I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
