How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize