I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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