I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
