the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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