lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
