I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize