How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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