you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
