Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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