I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
