Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
