today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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