To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
