You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
