Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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