Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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