so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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