I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
