how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
