i just wanna soil my oats bro
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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