I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
