I think i peed on brittanys purse
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
