So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize