i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
