dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
