have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
