oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
