there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
