12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
