took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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