Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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