As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
