I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
