OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
