forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize