Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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