guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
