The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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