i just wanna soil my oats bro
you traded sex for a burrito?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
