covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
