GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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