I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
