my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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