I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Text me some of your sweat
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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