You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
