Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
