I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
