Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
