I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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