In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
