He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
