I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
