Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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