You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
