Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
