OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
