well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
