On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I came so hard my ears popped.
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