i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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