The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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