We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
