I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
