Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
