moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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