he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
