You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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