don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
