I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
